Maeko (マエコ)
The prisoner of the future.
Maeko is a jobless daydreamer and creative soul. Living more in dreams as life comes with too many hardships for her to be able to deal with every so often. Being a Light wisp, she originates from the world Renëm, but resides now in the body of a human being on Earth.
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Name origin; Japan.
Meaning; "Truthful child" or "honest child", chosen to reflect her personality. The name is pronounced "mAA-eh-Koh". Gender; Female ♀ Species; Light wisp Birthday; January 6 Age; 21 years old Zodiac sign; The Capricorn Relationship; Not interested in romantic relationships. Siblings; Shinimi (they are not related by blood though, they merely deem one and another as a sibling) Parents; N/A Friends; Shinimi |
"I am a daydreamer caught in thoughts, I live for tomorrow and dream of a life within another world. Finding it hard to stay put where my body is, wishing I had something else. For I often feel as if I do not belong; and so I dream of another self ..."
Biography
Everything originates from light and dark. As do I. At some point I found myself within your mind. Staring at all the darkness from a past life and seeing the nothingness of what was supposed to be "right now" and the future. You seemed to be no one when I first came around. Same as me, I felt incomplete and wondered who I was ... You did too, questioned every evening when you went to bed. I somewhat fear those shadows which were creeping closer to us when you did not know who you were.
Yes, even though light is supposed to scatter the darkness, this light feared what was inside that pitch-black past.
I started whispering to you, telling you to become someone. Try new things to see if you like them, go travel to see if you can find a place where you feel at home. Whenever something went for the worse, I tried to make you see the good in it. Telling you that "now you've learned something new" and to keep moving on into the light. Away from the darkness.
I am a light, flickering in the dark while whispering to you.
Whenever you'd fall down to you knees, feeling as if you weren't good enough; as if you only ever failed. I tried to hold you up, carry the weight for you and kept pushing you into the light to try again. I didn't wish to see you give up. Not with the darkness creeping behind your back, waiting to swallow you and me. As time passed you managed to feel true joy, a feeling which I could tell that you barely ever had felt before. We focused as much as we could on things that made you feel better whenever the doubt and ugly voices came lurking in the dark. Alas, at times you would break anyway, no matter how much I tried to keep you from all that hurt. During those times I would keep whispering to you, trying to make sure you'd get back to your feet once more.
I tried to save you.
Part by part you slowly kept going, beginning anew, finding your own path in life that felt "you". I watched from afar, gave you a push when needed. Slowly the darkness withdrew little by little. But never to the point of disappearing. Somewhere around there I realized that no matter how hard I fought the darkness, you would never be completely free from what was hidden in its mist. That darkness stayed in your very core, no matter how much light the two of us tried to fill your empty spaces with.
Somedays you broke completely and cried, wished for it all to be over already. You had no strength to keep trying any further. I cried too, it hurt to see you so. It was painful and I could at last tell how broken you truly had been all along. Unsure of how to behave around others and bad at judging what those around you meant with what they did and said. I finally saw how scared you were of the darkness within.
You feared to break again, I feared to see you break and follow down with you in the brokenness. So I kept on giving you what light I could find, wherever I could find it. Cheering you up with distractions to keep your focus on what you needed to stay happy and alive. For I did not wish to see you leave the life behind at such an early age - I knew you had so many dreams that we gathered together which you now wished to see through to the end.
Yes, even though light is supposed to scatter the darkness, this light feared what was inside that pitch-black past.
I started whispering to you, telling you to become someone. Try new things to see if you like them, go travel to see if you can find a place where you feel at home. Whenever something went for the worse, I tried to make you see the good in it. Telling you that "now you've learned something new" and to keep moving on into the light. Away from the darkness.
I am a light, flickering in the dark while whispering to you.
Whenever you'd fall down to you knees, feeling as if you weren't good enough; as if you only ever failed. I tried to hold you up, carry the weight for you and kept pushing you into the light to try again. I didn't wish to see you give up. Not with the darkness creeping behind your back, waiting to swallow you and me. As time passed you managed to feel true joy, a feeling which I could tell that you barely ever had felt before. We focused as much as we could on things that made you feel better whenever the doubt and ugly voices came lurking in the dark. Alas, at times you would break anyway, no matter how much I tried to keep you from all that hurt. During those times I would keep whispering to you, trying to make sure you'd get back to your feet once more.
I tried to save you.
Part by part you slowly kept going, beginning anew, finding your own path in life that felt "you". I watched from afar, gave you a push when needed. Slowly the darkness withdrew little by little. But never to the point of disappearing. Somewhere around there I realized that no matter how hard I fought the darkness, you would never be completely free from what was hidden in its mist. That darkness stayed in your very core, no matter how much light the two of us tried to fill your empty spaces with.
Somedays you broke completely and cried, wished for it all to be over already. You had no strength to keep trying any further. I cried too, it hurt to see you so. It was painful and I could at last tell how broken you truly had been all along. Unsure of how to behave around others and bad at judging what those around you meant with what they did and said. I finally saw how scared you were of the darkness within.
You feared to break again, I feared to see you break and follow down with you in the brokenness. So I kept on giving you what light I could find, wherever I could find it. Cheering you up with distractions to keep your focus on what you needed to stay happy and alive. For I did not wish to see you leave the life behind at such an early age - I knew you had so many dreams that we gathered together which you now wished to see through to the end.
Personality
Hard working | "Always happy" | Haunted | Observing | Daydreamer
Maeko is somewhat lonely and rarely hangs out with people often. Merely when she's travelling and visiting conventions, she will be social and hang out with people. She tends to keep to herself at most times, sometimes she secretly wishes that would not be the case - as she dreams of having dear friends. But since she has a hard time interacting with people and doesn't easily read the mood changes of those around her, she feels more secure being alone. Even so she's helpful to those whom aproach her to ask for help with something and will always greet them with a smile ... Even if said smile may be a lie at times. For she has gained the reputation of being described as "always happy" by those who's known her for the longest. Surely no person can ever truly be happy at all times, some might be close to it, but it's far from the truth when it comes to Maeko. She simply plays theatre and hides the truth whenever she's not completely fine; for she does not wish to be a burden or a bother for others to worry about. "I'd rather carry my hardships on my own two shoulders" - is her belief.
Haunted by memories from the past, Maeko often tries to distract herself every hour of the day so they will leave her alone. Alas it rarely works and due to those memories; she will always act very distantly towards people around herself at first. Being careful not to say too much nor too little. She will observe you, trying to figure out in silence what kind of person you are and if you are someone she dare put her trust in. Because of this she may seem cold at first, but in truth, once you get past the "observation stage" - you may come to find out that she in fact is a very kind hearted person who tries her best to treat everyone around her as equals. This may at times take quite a while for her, but sometimes it goes by very quickly if she sees something in you that she appriciates or comes to admire you for.
As she has graduated from high school and still hasn't been able to find a job; she works hard at all times with both interests and trying to find a purpose for her being alive here and now. For if she doesn't keep her mind occupied, she feels as if she looses herself into negative thoughts and into worlds that she deep down knows are not in fact reality - even though she wishes they were, as things seems to be so much easier in those worlds. She easily ends up depressed if she's not able to do things as good as she feels like people are expecting her to. And all in all, she has very high demands on the things she does and want things to turn out "perfect". So when she fails at getting a job, she often ends up depressed for a couple of days until she snaps out of it and can get back to creating or doing things she knows she's supposed to be good enough at. After working with creative things for a while, she will try once again getting a job and if she fails again ... The circle simple keeps repeating itself with seemingly no end to it.
Being a creative person and having a vast imagination is both her greatest talent, and her greatest enemy. For she will often get lost in thoughts and dreams of what she wishes to come true. It can be everything from a life in a distant world as someone who doesn't stand out as much as she feels like she does. All the way to daydreams about her becoming a successful author and being a photographer who travels the world. Maeko can be lost in such thoughts for days at end, completely forgetting about "right now" and forgetting about living the life she's living.
So everytime she wakes up from those daydreams and realizes how much time she has wasted away in thoughts ... She promises herself to never daydream like such again, but everytime she fails. For in those thoughts she doesn't have to deal with the feeling of failing in the life she has right here and now.
Haunted by memories from the past, Maeko often tries to distract herself every hour of the day so they will leave her alone. Alas it rarely works and due to those memories; she will always act very distantly towards people around herself at first. Being careful not to say too much nor too little. She will observe you, trying to figure out in silence what kind of person you are and if you are someone she dare put her trust in. Because of this she may seem cold at first, but in truth, once you get past the "observation stage" - you may come to find out that she in fact is a very kind hearted person who tries her best to treat everyone around her as equals. This may at times take quite a while for her, but sometimes it goes by very quickly if she sees something in you that she appriciates or comes to admire you for.
As she has graduated from high school and still hasn't been able to find a job; she works hard at all times with both interests and trying to find a purpose for her being alive here and now. For if she doesn't keep her mind occupied, she feels as if she looses herself into negative thoughts and into worlds that she deep down knows are not in fact reality - even though she wishes they were, as things seems to be so much easier in those worlds. She easily ends up depressed if she's not able to do things as good as she feels like people are expecting her to. And all in all, she has very high demands on the things she does and want things to turn out "perfect". So when she fails at getting a job, she often ends up depressed for a couple of days until she snaps out of it and can get back to creating or doing things she knows she's supposed to be good enough at. After working with creative things for a while, she will try once again getting a job and if she fails again ... The circle simple keeps repeating itself with seemingly no end to it.
Being a creative person and having a vast imagination is both her greatest talent, and her greatest enemy. For she will often get lost in thoughts and dreams of what she wishes to come true. It can be everything from a life in a distant world as someone who doesn't stand out as much as she feels like she does. All the way to daydreams about her becoming a successful author and being a photographer who travels the world. Maeko can be lost in such thoughts for days at end, completely forgetting about "right now" and forgetting about living the life she's living.
So everytime she wakes up from those daydreams and realizes how much time she has wasted away in thoughts ... She promises herself to never daydream like such again, but everytime she fails. For in those thoughts she doesn't have to deal with the feeling of failing in the life she has right here and now.
Playlist
Maeko's playlist is partly meant to reflect her personality, but also to show what music she likes and listens to mostly. Of course she does listen to songs other than those on this playlist, but these are the ones she likes the most.
The playlist can be found on both [ Youtube ] and [ Spotify ] . |
The future and the past views
She's not one to look back too much upon the past, she's decided since long ago that the past shall stay in the past. Surely some things may try to surface and be reminded of every once in a while, but she tries to let them go again as soon as possible. Her main focus has always been the future. Her dreams and her goals in life. Often she's so focused on them that she looses track of "right now" only because she's dreaming and imagining and planning so much in detail what will come and what will not come her way. Surely she knows how wrong it is to dream that deeply about the future, since she looses so much time working towards her goals ... But somehow she seem to be unable to stop, she sees the visions of what she hopes will come and then she's trapped in them, merely planning each step without actually taking that first step towards the future.
Philosophy on life and death
Having been able to hear and sometimes see ghosts since her dog was put to rest when she was 12, she has a strong belief in the afterlife. She believes that it doesn't just end when you take your last breath in this world. At least it's her hopes that it doesn't. She wants to believe that there's another side and that it is possible to come back as a ghost every once in a while after you have passed on. For somewhere deep down she knows that she probably won't be able to let go of her life if she's unable to do everything she wishes to do.
Quirks
♦ When she's very focused on something she's doing she will bite her teeth together really hard so she ends up having her entire cheekbones hurting.
♦ She enjoys doing "ugly dances" to music she likes infront of the mirror when no one sees her. She calls them that since she cannot dance, but it doesn't stop her from letting loose every now and then. One has to be able to enjoy themselves after all, and doing her "ugly dances" infront of the mirror is one of those ways that she is able to come to terms with herself.
♦ She often twists her hair between her fingers, usually making it tangle and she seem to be unable to stop it. Most of the time she does it while she's very focused and not doing something with her hands while being it. Sometimes it is because she's stressed out or nervous. For some reason she started with it because of a character from W.I.T.C.H. doing it and she liked that certain character so much. And nowadays she cannot stop herself from twisting her hair like that character did.
♦ She enjoys doing "ugly dances" to music she likes infront of the mirror when no one sees her. She calls them that since she cannot dance, but it doesn't stop her from letting loose every now and then. One has to be able to enjoy themselves after all, and doing her "ugly dances" infront of the mirror is one of those ways that she is able to come to terms with herself.
♦ She often twists her hair between her fingers, usually making it tangle and she seem to be unable to stop it. Most of the time she does it while she's very focused and not doing something with her hands while being it. Sometimes it is because she's stressed out or nervous. For some reason she started with it because of a character from W.I.T.C.H. doing it and she liked that certain character so much. And nowadays she cannot stop herself from twisting her hair like that character did.
Likes
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Dislikes
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Deeper knowledge about Maeko
Darkest Secret ...
When things are at its hardest and there seems to be no way out, as if the entire world is against her. Nothing goes as she hopes even after her working so hard for something to go her way. Maeko will end up feeling so depressed that she will not be able to hold back the dark thoughts from the past. Thoughts about letting it all end. She's not proud of these thoughts, not at all. In fact, she's afraid of them. For she has so much she wishes to do in this life she's living and knows how little time one has at their disposal. She knows that if she doesn't do the things she wishes to do, dreams about doing and fights for doing; no one else will ever do it. So when the thoughts of not wanting to live comes across her mind, she's caught in fear and self doubt even more. Not knowing if she's strong enough to ever achieve her dreams.
When things are at its hardest and there seems to be no way out, as if the entire world is against her. Nothing goes as she hopes even after her working so hard for something to go her way. Maeko will end up feeling so depressed that she will not be able to hold back the dark thoughts from the past. Thoughts about letting it all end. She's not proud of these thoughts, not at all. In fact, she's afraid of them. For she has so much she wishes to do in this life she's living and knows how little time one has at their disposal. She knows that if she doesn't do the things she wishes to do, dreams about doing and fights for doing; no one else will ever do it. So when the thoughts of not wanting to live comes across her mind, she's caught in fear and self doubt even more. Not knowing if she's strong enough to ever achieve her dreams.
Most treasured memory ...
Somewhere she found her place, she could feel at ease and feel like she needn't hide who she is. It was a convention dedicated to Asian Culture, more specific; food, manga, anime and cosplay. She was not good, she had no clue how to sew, but somehow she had gotten a cosplay as Itachi Uchiha from Naruto together. Visited workshops together with her dear friend and got inspired even more. Started dreaming about learning more about fabrics and how to sew and put it up as her dream. She wished to learn more about a world which she now didn't wish to leave behind, the world that existed at conventions.
Somewhere she found her place, she could feel at ease and feel like she needn't hide who she is. It was a convention dedicated to Asian Culture, more specific; food, manga, anime and cosplay. She was not good, she had no clue how to sew, but somehow she had gotten a cosplay as Itachi Uchiha from Naruto together. Visited workshops together with her dear friend and got inspired even more. Started dreaming about learning more about fabrics and how to sew and put it up as her dream. She wished to learn more about a world which she now didn't wish to leave behind, the world that existed at conventions.
Evening person or Morning person
She is honestly a bit of both. She tends to make her days as she has inspiration. Sometimes she can wake up early in the morning and feel a flow of inspiration and need to create. While sometimes she can have that same flow during the evening and long into the night. So she switches between the two.
She is honestly a bit of both. She tends to make her days as she has inspiration. Sometimes she can wake up early in the morning and feel a flow of inspiration and need to create. While sometimes she can have that same flow during the evening and long into the night. So she switches between the two.
Good habits
Since Maeko hates being late, she always makes sure to be at least 10 minutes before the time she's supposed to be somewhere. That way she's usually never late when she needs to be somewhere. Talents/skills/strenghts Whenever she truly wants to learn something and is interested in said something, she tends to have no problems at all learning said thing and is all in all a fast learner. Personally she sees herself as talented when it comes to photography, surely she knows she can learn more. That pretty much goes with everything she creates though. Hopes and dreams She dreams about becoming a photographer that travels the world around to photograph, but also dreams about having her own printing house where she partly can do work in the terms of media, but also make handbound books and print out the photos she takes to sell as prints. Best quality She's not one to give up early on. Though, she's prideful in a way and wants to learn and be able to things without anyones help ... So if it ends up taking a while and she realizes it, she will ask for help in then. What she wants To become better than what she was yesterday, always striving to improve with the things she does. Maeko sees herself as ... Multi creative, stubborn and sensitive. Most valued possession Her cameras and the teddybear she has had since she was born. Most proud accomplishment Getting into the final round in a photo competition, sadly failing after that because she was too shy to ask people she knew to vote for her. But it still felt huge to be in a news magazine with two of her photos in the final round. She is motivated by ... The people she admires and does things that she loves doing. Let's say she meets someone at a con who has an amazing craftsmanship on their costume - she gathers inspiration and puts it up as her goal to strive to become better too. Same with photography, she admires some great photographers and strives to become as good as they are at some point. Surely she sometimes can be caught in self doubt because of it, but mostly she knows that they got to where they are the same way she's doing. By working hard. |
Bad habits
As mentioned, she has a bad habit of twisting her hair, but as an addition to that step. While she's thinking she puts a strain of hair that she's just been twisting into her mouth. Usually without realizing it until someone starts staring at her as if she's stupid. She also tends to only see the bad things in everything she does, loosing sight of the good ones. Weaknesses/clumsiness Often Maeko will loose what small amount of confidence in herself that she has managed to build up whenever she's either told no or getting no response at all on the things she does or creates. She will go into depression and start doubting herself a lot, questioning if there's something in the world that she's good enough for. However, if the critique is motivated as to why someone feels that way about what she's done and what they feel that she has done wrong - she takes it much better and uses it to her advantage. Fears and nightmares Her greatest fear is to be jobless for the rest of her life, this because she feel like all she ever gets is "no you're not good enough" or simply no replies at all for every job she applies to. Greatest flaw She's easily hurt and sometimes she doesn't know when to quit trying or stop to ask for help. What she doesn't want To be like everyone else, she only ever wishes to be herself. For if she's not herself, there's no one else to be her in this world. Others see Maeko as ... "Always happy", hardworking and creative. Greatest failure At the time when she had an internship at a printing house she really put her all into being able to stay there and get a permanent job. But due to the rules she still had to apply to other jobs while she was there, otherwise she wouldn't get any money and thus being unable to live without money to buy food. One of the jobs she applied to would only last for a couple of months and then she'd be out of a job again. At first, she didn't get a job there while lots of her friends did. So she was a tad sad about that, but moved on after getting the internship where she would get to do what she loved and what she wanted to work with more than anything else. However, this company called her when all the others already had started there, saying that apparently someone had quit and they had a spot open for her. She thought for a while and said no to the job and chose her internship over it. A couple of months later the internship had turned from "lovely" to almost "hell". They deemed her as not good enough no matter how hard she tried to prove herself to them, and in the end she had no internship nor a job afterwards. |
Favourites
Colour; Purple
Objects; Hats and caps of various kinds, vintage objects - such as books, cameras and sewing machines, etc. Book series; The tears of Artamon and A song of Ice and Fire. Movie; She has been watching far too many movies to be able to decide upon just one. Artist/Band; Every band or artist she listens to are her favourite, but if she has to name just a few: Disturbed, Five finger death punch, Amaranthe and Sonata Arctica. Song; She has no favourite song of all times, she changes her favourite song as time passes by. Music genre; Any kind of rock and metal. Anime/Manga; Pandora Hearts, Kuroshitsuji, Nabari no Ou, Waltz, Maoh: Juvenile Remix and Deadman Wonderland. TV-series; The legend of the seeker, Game of thrones, Outlander, The unknown and Gotham. Animal; She's an animal lover, but likes reptiles, sharks and whales most. Clothes; Scarves, hats, converse and boots. Game; League of Legends, Code: Realize - Guardian of rebirth, card games. Website; deviantart.com, youtube.com, eldemore.com, flightrising.com and chickensmoothie.com Thing to do; Creating in more ways than one, reading, watching movies/anime/series, visiting conventions, cosplay and write. |
Food; Indonesian chicken stew with rice and sushi.
Candy; Is not very fond of candy and has thus no favourite kind. Place; At cons, in the forest or at home. Country; Egypt Day; Thursday Decade/Year; Around 2500 BC and 1800s - 1920s Weather; Has no favourite weather in particular. Holiday; Halloween. Season; The autumn. Sport; Soccer and indoor hokey/floorball. Is also interested in parkour. School subject; Art, sports and digital printing. Personal quote; “I create and that is something I do in more ways than one.” Quote; “Don't watch the clock. Do what it does - keep going.” ~ Sam Levenson |
Gallery of illustrations
Gallery of writing
For you who never wanted to grow up
You know how it haunts you,
hunts you in the fog
- a mere shadow of the past.
You move onwards to the great unknown,
yet it never slips your mind
- the things you thought would last.
An eternity in the dark.
You know how to visit the "before"
and how you never thought you'd have "more"
- never being good enough.
You struggled to survive,
pretending, an endless lie
- until you were about to break.
A future you decided to take.
You know how to fight,
never loosing sight of that light
- even as the shadow is watching.
You followed the path wherever it lead,
knowing the feelings you carried weren't to dread,
- this time you would not fail.
The journey of your life.
You know what it's like,
at the end of that life's hike
- even with the mere shadow close behind.
You reached the goal and survived,
at heart you're still the same
- here's the place where you will grow.
You who never wanted to grow up,
- see what happened when a dream came true.
Now keep living it,
as you never lived until now.
You still have long to go,
never will you give up.
That distant dream is within your reach.
hunts you in the fog
- a mere shadow of the past.
You move onwards to the great unknown,
yet it never slips your mind
- the things you thought would last.
An eternity in the dark.
You know how to visit the "before"
and how you never thought you'd have "more"
- never being good enough.
You struggled to survive,
pretending, an endless lie
- until you were about to break.
A future you decided to take.
You know how to fight,
never loosing sight of that light
- even as the shadow is watching.
You followed the path wherever it lead,
knowing the feelings you carried weren't to dread,
- this time you would not fail.
The journey of your life.
You know what it's like,
at the end of that life's hike
- even with the mere shadow close behind.
You reached the goal and survived,
at heart you're still the same
- here's the place where you will grow.
You who never wanted to grow up,
- see what happened when a dream came true.
Now keep living it,
as you never lived until now.
You still have long to go,
never will you give up.
That distant dream is within your reach.