Have you missed me? I believe you didn't notice my absence. It's nothing out of the ordinary that I go missing over a couple of weeks, even months. For that is what I do when I don't feel like showing myself.
As written in the previous update. I didn't stay at my previous job.
The bottomline is, I do have a job now. Perhaps not fully as a gardener, even though it's partly that. Mostly it's as a superintendent. In the beginning I felt really lost and felt like I had taken the wrong path in my life. But as weeks passed, turned out it's mostly since I don't know the areas and don't know how to do many of the things that a superintendent is supposed to do. I'm really only good with plants, bushes, trees, cutting grass, picking trash and driving tractors (even though I still have so much to learn with those parts too). But even now as I do know some of the areas better than those who's worked there for longer than me, I still have days of doubt.
Is this really the right path I'm currently threading down? I miss driving tractors and I feel like I lost a part of what makes me "me" with that. And I miss working outdoors in the dirt as much as I used to. So I really don't know, if I ought to get another job instead ... But at the same time I remember the days when it's really so much fun working and I remind myself that if I worked with a job (cleaning the staircases and entrance halls) which literally killed me one day at a time from the inside out. Then I surely can work with something that's only half of what my heart longs for and a job that doesn't slowly kill me. Perhaps I could find some other way of still having tractors in my life and being outdoors while I work ... Let's say if I were to finally find a house or a small farm.
Anyway, with that aside, I work, I live and I still breathe. It takes more than treating me like a piece of garbage for me to lie down and give up completely. They don't know the art of truly breaking someone who's always refused to break completely.
I've put up a deadline, still not an exact date as of now. But after the changes I made to my book of poetry - it is now going to be a series of three books of poetry. The first part I have decided to publish no later than mid June this upcoming summer. Which is both very scary and exiting at the same time. For I know that those who are well known poets and who's been in the "business" for a long while will without a doubt look down on me if they ever were to find me. I'm not one to blend into the crowd, to put it simple.
But still, I intend to truly become a poet now. The time is now and it is my turn.
After that, I intend to start my own company sometime this upcoming autumn. I have put it on hold for ten years now, so it's about time to get started. It's something I haven't dared to think about for many years now, I've always been the shy and silent person who's preferred not to be seen ... But lately I've proven to myself time and time again at my new job that I'm capable of being brave and going out of my comfort zone. I challenge myself outside my comfort zone on a daily basis now. Doing things I truthfully don't dare to do in my spare time.
And what do I know, perhaps that is the path I am supposed to take now in my life. But I'm not sure, I've long since abandoned the thought of running my own business as my only income. I get art blocks too easily, I get writer blocks too easily and thus I partly have this website to write about my characters when I have such blocks. Though this company I have in mind, might just be two. I'm not quite sure, but for now I shall simply have it as one in my mind
And oh, the best news of them all!
So now I merely need to borrow an old PC from someone, install SAI on it and my tablet and then I can finally finish all my illustrations that I lost!