To think that another year has passed. I apologize for my silence since September here. I have been working my ass off, trying my hardest to prove that I want to stay and want to be good enough and learn what needs to be learned at work. I have been working with my stories behind the scenes and I still got no program to paint on the computer. And all the files from my old one are still lost, which partly is a reason why I haven't managed to get back to painting digitally again. I feel ashamed over many things regarding my creative interests ... They've had to suffer far too much these past few years ... And I'm a very sensitive person, so the slightest change in my mood affects all the things I want to do, all the things I need to do. So I know if I were to keep going when I'm feeling down - it won't do me any good. I've way too high standards on myself. Part of me is thinking about applying to an art class to be honest, perhaps it will help me gain some knowledge in how to deal with art blocks and to not let my mood control the creative side of me. And I'm probably gonna look for taking music classes too. Because I recently bought a new instrument. But we will see which one I do first. For now I wish to say that I've actually at last truly finished all the written things for Sahariel's page here on the website. Surely I will need to proof read it a couple of times from now on, since I haven't done that yet. But now it's only to get the time to draw more pictures to lighten up all the text about him. Sometimes I have my moments when I work more traditionally than what I do digitally. I have one of those moments now. To bring the canvas with me; go to a place which doesn't really have to be my desk if I don't feel like sitting (or can't because of the pain in my neck) makes me feel so free. Alas I'm not the best when it comes to acrylics so I don't feel confident enough to try painting any of my characters with them ... Trust me, I tried making one of Shizuka right after I finished the painting shown above - the background turned out nice, but she did not. Thus I threw the entire canvas away, lol.
However, painting stuff like the one I made most recently is relaxing and puts my messy mind at ease ... I feel as if I can let all the chaos just take form on the canvas and that I don't have to care if it turns out okay or not. Life is messy and art can be anything that you choose. Someday I might learn how to truly paint, but for now ... I'm satisfied with just my colourmesses and that I'm gonna build a frame for this one. Even though they might not be the hardest things to paint - I have ended up liking those I've made so far a lot. So for me art isn't better just because it's harder to create, art is better if it means something to you. First off, I apologize for the lack of update; I have not been feeling all that great as of late. And now I admit it out loud. I usually tend to not do it and keep it all within me; which in itself is not good I can admit as well. I'm currently in a program at the hospital to help me deal with and hopefully get rid of the pain that still remains in mainly my neck after the car accident last summer. So far it's only made other parts of my back hurt as well and I have learned that I have to live with this pain until I'm dead. Which is not very pleasing to think about ... And no one at work even listened that I need other things to do while at work and I can't keep cleaning since it's putting a strain on my damaged neck. So it's partly because of that the program I'm undergoing isn't doing any good for me. In turns I'm trying to get a new job ... But the thing is. I have no clue what to work with if I can't be a gardener either. Right now being a gardener is all I want to do for a living, but if my neck can't handle that either ... Then I'm pretty much out of options with what I should work as. I can't sit still for too long. Partly because of my neck and partly because symptoms like those with ADHD and simply cannot stay put for long periods of times. So yeah, all in all, I feel very lost and depressed atm ... So I apologize if the art I may make in this near future is very ... Dark. But darkness is none other than me right now. For I have had thoughts that hadn't crossed my mind for the past 15 years of my life. The darkest thoughts I ever had has returned. But on a side note I had to take a break from Shizuka's reference ... Because GOD I AM SO BAD WITH LINEART. Hahahaha. I got so tired with it and needed a break. Somehow I need to come up with a way of making lineart that allows me to actually practice it and feel like it's fun to make ... Oh well. My break turned into making a Star Galari with the colour palette I claimed in the Stellar Nursery and the boy above is the one I came up with based on the palette.
For you who couldn't tell it before today, but I'm a purple freak and loves purple so much and love to work with it in various ways. Recorded a little while drawing Ori in my first Galari batch that I've been working on these past few days. Sorry about me being a slowpoke, and this has not been edited at all; for this blob has nothing to edit videos with, hahaha.
My lil baby moved here last Sunday, so he and I have lived together for almost a week now and I love him so much. ♥ I go crazy from looking into his eyes because he's so incredably cute. ♥ I still have much to learn about him and his personality. But so far I'd say he's one of the kindest lil boys I've ever met and is easily jealous. And he doesn't like feeling lonely and enjoy our playtime together. Sadly I like cuddling more than what he does; he likes exploring and daydreaming. Even though he does seem to enjoy to cuddle sometimes. ♥
I've finished the chibis I was working on last weekend (had to take a break when my lad came here) ... And I'm really happy with how they turned out and it was truly enjoyable to draw the three gals. Though I do feel like I may be making my chibis a tad too similar to how I draw manga pictures which aren't supposed to be "chibi" ... Thus I will try to doodle some of my characters at some point in order to try to find a way of making the chibi anatomy so it feels more proper for me and "cuter". I will still stick to something similar to this style for the chibis of my characters whom belong to my novel projects, because for them I feel like it's worth affording to use the brain a bit more about anatomy and such. With a horrible cold, a throath which could kill and fever on its way ~ I kept myself distracted to finish this speedpainting really quick.
It's Suzume (the blonde gal) and Yukiko (the ginger gal) and a very doodlish background. I just realized that I had been drawing for 10 years because I like it back in April last year, omg.
So I was just informed that the higher ups liked the magazine I made earlier this year (sometime before the summer) and decided to keep me as their graphic designer. Which makes me very happy, since that's what I educated myself to be once upon a time and I still enjoy working in InDesign a lot.
But these days I have a hard time finding inspiration and ideas to do random stuff the way I used to when I was in school. In other words, making that magazine four times a year will be very nice for me. (: And the little doodlish-illustration above is what I drew and put on the back of the cover for the summer magazine, and that lil creature is someone I intend to keep using for the art for the same place. Because he was very fun and relazing to draw. (': Plus he's so cute. :D |
C.S. VazchuA mere whisperer who utters their thoughts and art of dying. Categories
All
Archives
April 2024
|