I had hoped to find the inspiration for first and foremost my story known as "Tarnion", but I seem to be unable to find it. It's probably because I write it very differently from how I normally write. I've tried to write it with simpler words and not so ... Difficult. The storyline in itself is not really something I believe older people would read, not even people that are 14. I see the story as more suited as the point where children go from the very easy read books to the ones that are a tad thicker and more complex. So with that in mind I'm unable to have that steady flow with words as I always need to think about which word to choose instead of that one, etc. Not to mention that I don't write it in past tense, as I always do. For some reason I wanted to write the story as if it's happening right now.
Part of me also had hoped to focus on "Tarnion", as I mentioned above. But also on my story known as "The Land of the Dead" ... That one too is rather short compared to the rest. But being in Sweden and that story is something I write in English, I will be unable to get it published here. So this in turn makes me feel very scared about trying to get it published in ... Let's say the UK ... I'm by far not the best when it comes to writing in English and I'm scared people can tell right away that I don't have English as my mother tongue. And that there's too many grammar errors for them to ever take me seriously.
But all in all, what I wish to say with this, is simply that it's hard to stay in the plans I make when the inspiration disappears into another world and not into the one I want it to be in. I cannot control it. So I cannot set a plan for myself that "this is the story I want to focus on getting published first". The one thing I should be able to do is to do the finishing changes and touches to my poems and focus on my book of poetry, which I also have in the closest stage to being "done". The problem with that one is that I have no intention what so ever to make the book in a way that other poets does it. Poets has the mindset that their poems speaks for themselves and shouldn't be together with illustrations or photos. For the poem itself is supposed to be a picture as well. I don't share that mindset, in a way I do. But me as a graphic designer sees nothing wrong with texts and pictures belonging together. I've often worked like that with my poems, to make them belong together with something else ... So I doubt anyone of the publishers and other poets here in Sweden ever will be okay with my mindset regarding it. Which will lead to me needing to publish it on my own. I won't change my mind, I'm gonna do my thing and that's it, they cannot stop me. So if it means I have to go down the tougher path, bring it on.
The only thing that truly stops me from actually doing the finishing touches to that book of poetry, is the simple fact that I don't have the programs I need to fullfil it at this time. I lost them with my old computer and I lost many of my side notes and other parts of the project. I could of course focus on finishing the poems completely, but for the rest I will have to wait.
Still, I have decided that too much time has passed since the book me and my classmates published back in 2015. It is time for something on my own and I've decided to fight for it to happen. No matter which one of them it ends up being, it is time to become an author for real.
Just the same way it's time for me to work for getting this website finished at last, it has taken too long.